Once upon a time there was a pirate called captain sniffle pants . He lived on an old fashioned pirate ship in the sea.
One day he went to an island with black sand and lots of tall coconut trees and met a monkey all alone. It was a cold and rainy day and the black spider monkey was hiding in a tree with three golden bananas. It was a baby spider monkey with long arms, legs and a very long tail. He had big black eyes and long spiky fur. The monkey jumped down and hugged the pirates feet. Then the pirate asked if he wanted to come on a trip with him and he said yes i love trips. The captain decided to call the monkey mr bananas, because he had golden bananas.
When they climbed onto the ship, Mr bananas put one of the golden bananas in one of the piston holes and it made it fly. Captain sniffle pants saw the bananas were special and he decided to hide the other two on the island. He dug a hole under the tree where he found the monkey and buried the bananas. Then he drew a map so he could remember where they were.
Captain sniffle pants and Mr bananas flew away on their magic pirate ship. The golden bananas had made the ship all shiny and space like.
One day while flying through a tornado the map got ripped in half. It blew down to Lucy's house and hit the door bell. It went ding dong, and Lucy answered the door. Lucy had just got home from her cousin's wedding. Lucy had been a bridesmaid, she was wearing a long floaty green dress and had some brown flowers in her hand.. She picked up the torn map and saw a flying ship in the sky. She gasped and she ran towards it.
Would she make it in time?
Hi James,
ReplyDeleteI love your story, the bit that I can see. I like the way you left the reader wondering at the end as well. Unfortunately it has run off the page. When you cut and paste use Mrs Roach's advice.
"Here is a cool tip for getting your writing on to your blog from a doc.
Highlight and copy your writing Click control (or command) -C
then click on your blog where you want the writing to go. Click control (or command) - shift - V all at the same time and your writing won't run off the page.
Holding shift is the important difference."
Maybe you could go back to edit - re-paste using the instructions then re publish? Or try these instructions next time.
Keep up the good work.
Mrs Ferguson.
Hi James
ReplyDeleteI agree with Mrs Ferguson I would like to read more of this story! I love the names of your characters. Your story has a lot of great piratey details like maps, tornadoes and black sand beaches. I hope you can edit it.